Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
