Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize