Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
