Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
