sorry about calling you the devil all night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
