I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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