I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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