Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
