I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mom said you looked used
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
