i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
