I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
