omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
