He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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