I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
