The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
