literally had 100 drinks last night.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
