Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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