That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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