i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
