I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
