Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
