fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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