it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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