I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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