he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
