if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
