Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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