Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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