and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize