the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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