dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have aggressive nipples.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
