I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
