just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
