I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
