all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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