I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You took a bar mat shot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
