as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
