who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
