dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think your dad took our porno
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
