hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
