I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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