Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They have beer where we have blood.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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