Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
