i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In America we eat man semen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
