You really coming over, don't trick.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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