I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
