The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
