im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
