If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
