TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
