3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
