i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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