I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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