im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
