I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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