I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
