On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
