i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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