Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
