Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
