Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
