My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
