Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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