I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize