Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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