The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
